It’s all good
It’s been an interesting few shifts since I last wrote, filled with firsts. First intubations, first central lines, and even first death. Thinking back on it all, especially the latter, I feel like I should be feeling something more substantial about this death, I mean, I pronounced someone dead after all. I feel like I should be having some sort of profound thoughts or feelings to go along with this, you know saying something like “hug those you love” or “Our time here is precious”. But at the time last night, it was just like okay, now how to do I fill out the paperwork? Maybe it’s because the whole thing was a “good” experience. The patient was DNR/DNI, and spent no more than a few hours in the unit before passing. In retrospect, our only real job was to keep her alive long enough so that those that loved her had a chance to come and say good bye. And they did, and that made me glad, for her, for them, and for myself that I could help in this small way. But still, I had expected to feel something more.